The Story of Mr. Honda

Earlier this year I decided to purchase a new battery for my laptop as mine had been dead since I bought the machine secondhand 3 years ago. It wouldn't be such a big deal, except for the power cord is so loose that if anyone bumps the computer slightly, it falls out of place and the whole thing shuts down causing me to lose all my unsaved work.

I thought I was so clever. I went online and found the best deal on a battery for a Dell Latitude E4310. I eagerly awaited it's arrival and then opened it with glee. I put it into place and instantly some pieces snapped off off of the battery and some pieces broke of my computer.

Ugh!

I looked at the info sheet and it said I had 3 days to return the battery if it didn't work.

I had no idea how long the thing had been in my mailbox, and I don't have enough cell service where I live to make phone-calls. I thought about driving in to town to go to the park, so my kids could play and I could negotiate with the company while the other parents gave me dirty looks for being one of those Moms who is always on their cell phone when they are supposed to be paying attention to their kids.

I thought about all the time and effort I'd be putting in to prepare and pack snacks, and get all of our stuff together and the kids yelling about not wanting to be in the car, and me yelling at the kids for yelling, and the gas money I'd be spending just to try and get my $40 back, and how annoyed I would be after dealing with customer service, especially if they said they wouldn't help me.

I thought about my definition of success, which is being mindful, calm and present with the kids.

I thought about how happy I would be if I just let it go and we all just stayed home relaxing on the nice summer day spending quality time together. I thought about all of my $400 mistakes and how quickly I had learned my lessons from those costly failures. I made the decision that $40 is getting off pretty easy, and from now on, I'll order straight from a trusted supplier.

*sigh*

"well battdepot.ca," I said to myself, "I'm giving you this one, but you must not have heard about me.
I am Stasia Bryant, the girl who never gives up."

So I changed my approach. I ended up buying a chrome book, which weighs 1/3 of what my Dell does, and performs every funtion I need a traveling computer to do. My Dell still works fine, as long as I use it as as a stationary PC)

I am a personal development junkie, so I thought about One Of My Favorite never giving up stories.

I am also a hyperbolist, so I describe everything as "One Of My Favorite".

But I think you'll agree, Mr Honda was a determined fellow. Yet another source of inspiration you can draw upon when some first world problem is grating on your nerves:
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In 1938 Mr Honda was a broke student who had only one dream. To design a piston ring that he would sell to Toyota. He would go to school and then work at his idea at night, covered up to his elbows in grease. After years of spending time, effort and money when he thought it was perfect, he took it to Toyota and they rejected it.

He was ridiculed by friends, teachers and family for designing such a stupid gadget that nobody would want. Instead of giving up, he spent another 2 years making the design even better and then Toyota finally bought it.

Happy ending right? Wrong.

Mr Honda needed to build a factory to build the piston rings and needed concrete, but Japan was getting ready for WW II and so none was available. You’d think he would quit, but not Mr Honda, he actually went and found a new way to manufacture concrete! He built his factory and was finally able to produce his piston rings.

If you thinks the story ends there you’d be dead wrong. Look what happens next..
During the war, the United States bombed his factory. Instead of feeling defeated, Mr Honda told his employees to “Quickly run outside and gather the fuel cans that the American planes are dropping, we need these raw materials for our manufacturing process!”
These were materials they could not get anywhere in Japan. (Mr Honda found an opportunity even after being bombed!) Mr Honda took anything life gave him and found a positive use for it.

After his factory had been bombed, to make matters worse, an earthquake hit Mr Honda’s factory and leveled it totally. What a stroke of bad luck.

Now Mr Honda had no money, no permanent place to live and couldn’t even afford the gas to go to the grocers to buy food for his family.
Mr Honda made a very powerful decision. He asked himself, “How else can I feed my family?”
Mr Honda wanted a better lifestyle for himself and his family, he was not going to just settle like so many others do. Having no money and very few resources, he asked himself another question, “How can I use the things I already have to get to where I want to be?”
Mr Honda, thinking like this and looking for whatever he had, one day found a motor, a small motor that would be used to drive a lawn mower. This is when he got the idea of hooking it up to his bicycle. In that moment, the worlds first first motorized Honda bike was created. He rode it everywhere and his friends and neighbors saw him and asked him to make them one. Pretty soon Mr Honda had created so many bikes, he had run out of motors, so he decided to build a factory. But…Yes there’s a big BUT, Japan was torn apart and he had no money.
Not wanting to give up and saying “There’s no way” Mr Honda came up with a great idea. He decided to write letters to all the bicycle owners in Japan, telling them that he had thought of a solution for getting Japan moving again and help people get to where they need to go cheaply. Then he asked them for an investment. Of the 18,000 shop owners who he wrote to, 3000 gave him money. He then went on to build the factory and manufacture his first shipment. Now you’d think he’s a success right? Nope.

The bike was too bulky and very few people bought. Again, instead of giving up, Mr Honda stripped the bike down to bear essentials, making it lighter and smaller and he named it the “CUB” and now finally this creation became an “overnight success” winning the Emperor’s Award. Everyone looked at him and was thinking how “lucky” he was to have come up with such a great idea. Little did they know that luck had nothing to do with it unless you count bad luck, then luck had lots to do with it, but Mr Honda's perseverance is what finally paid off.
Today Mr Honda’s company, The Honda Corporation is one of the most successful in the world and outsells every car in America except Toyota.

Mr Honda came up against problem after problem, but he never let his problems or even uncontrollably circumstances get in his way. He decided that there is always a way to succeed if you’re committed enough.

_________________________________________-original author unknown________________________

Sober Thinking

The Concise Oxford Dictionary, Sixth Edition (1976)

Sober, to me, contains so much more meaning than reference to the absence of a said set of influences in my life. It also describes the creed of those influences which are intended to fill the space replacing them.

Sober thinking requires I surround myself with people who re-enforce the clarity with which I desire to co-create. Appreciating the style of abundance: mindful, healthful, human-connection based living. Respect for the systems which sustain us, both living and non.

Sobriety is a quiet minimalist home. The simplicity earned from freedom of nonsensical clutter. A sanctuary from distractions & endless blinding screens of chattering noise. A place to focus. A space to choose one's own meaning.

Sobriety is that warm glow-y feeling that comes from eating well with friends. Heart centered connections made over a raw-food potluck. Cheerfully sharing in the clean-up chores.

Sobriety is the high of exercise! Feeling so pumped as teammates high five after a game of pickup basketball. The unparalleled inner pride experienced when a new weight training goal is met.

Sobriety is refined sleep habits. Slipping off into dreams in the splendor of a day well lived. Waking up refreshed to execute another in joy.

And it's the ability to hold the mindset: the state of being that allows the flow of confidence to own the role of designer in one's own life. Purposefully adding value to the world. Receiving that same value with gratitude. 

Why This Sobriety Challenge?

This is my favorite challenge that I've done in a long time, and quite possibly will become my favorite challenge ever.

I've already battled with and overcome addictions, so this challenge feels different.

This one comes from a place of excitement. This one is more about refining habitual patterns.

I noticed the last few months when I was trying to decide what I want to create next in my life I kept coming back to "I have no idea what I even actually want".

As I write this I still have only a vague fuzzy idea of what I want my life to look like a year from now. or 5 years from now. So that's what the sobriety challenge is for. Extreme Mental Clarity.

Could I be content to continue on, doing a life of boring jobs and having beers once in a while and getting stoned to make it seem fun?:

That's what everybody does right?



Ricky is totally on point here.

Get Stoned, It'll Be Fun, Get to Work.

Everybody Does It.

But wait. Do they actually? Or it is just that my friends keep me in conformation bias?

I was talking to a Mom friend the other night about how I notice a lot of facebook meme's perpetuate these ideas that it's totally fine to get by in life on coffee, wine and weed. I think those ideas lower our personal standards. They make it seem like, "Being a Mom is so overwhelming that the only way to deal with Motherhood is to be intoxicated as a coping mechanism."

This is also why I think social media can be an unhealthy addiction, because if one isn't being conscious of which ideas one is ingesting, it's probably easy to believe that Monday's are actually the problem instead of taking responsibility for the unambitious career paths we've chosen.

And no. I've come so far that I will not be content with a satisfactory life experience of boring McJob's and weed to regulate my frustration with the stupidity of our consumer culture and beers once in a while as escapism.

(whoah there! not saying I will never enjoy marijuana and alcoholic libations ever again! that's pretty extreme, and I'm not one for absolutes.)

This 5 year cycle I'm passionate about collaborative community co-housing. With Moms in mind, because it's a tough culture for Moms here right now. So many of us want to eat super healthy, and live in clean minimalist environments, and engage our children in meaningful activities.

but I see so many Mom's settling, because it's difficult to find the existence of what we are seeking.

I'm not good at settling for less than everything I want.

I feel that it's going to take more resources than I have in this moment (like, existentially, as a "being") to get into the vibration state of collaborative community co-housing creation for Moms who want to streamline meal prep and cleaning and maintenance and... all the stuff together.

I feel too cloudy when I try and write about what that would even look like. Henceforth:

Sobriety Challenge Includes:
-no smoking (I already quit cigarettes a long time ago)
-no toking (I already LOVE this choice)
-no drinking like a Pirate (admittedly, the manner in which I tend to drink, and the reason I mostly quit drinking 7 years ago. Thus, since I typically don't have just one beverage and sip it slowly, I shall have none at all.)
-no eating for no reason (I've been super bored lately so I justified eating a ton of crap)
-no caffeine (ahhh! so pervasive its almost inescapable)
-if you don't see it on this list it's probably not even a thing in my life

I know I'm supposed to write all of those as affirmative statements but I'm not in the mood right now.

Lastly, I want to say that I think getting inebriated now and then is healthy, and can actually help people relax and grow as individuals. Intoxication can be super fun and consciousness expanding.

Psychedelics, Shamanic what-have-you's, all the other stuff out there, whatever your pleasure, go for it. I totally recommend experimenting.

My current challenge is with the intent of knowing myself and my mind on a really intimate scale, to be able to design and create my reality with maximum enjoyment and efficiency, install empowering beliefs with ease, & remove mental blockages as though I was taking a bag of old clutter to a donation bin.

So that's why sobriety. What I do with the next 5 years will blow you away.

Polyamory Chapter 2: Debunking the "Closer" Conundrum

When I lived in Guelph I invented the renting-movies-as-a-hobby substitute for drinking-alcohol-as-a-hobby.

I decided that the film hobby might serve me well this winter to combat the "lack of vehicle obstacle" and the "isolation in the forest obstacle". When I see an obstacle I see an exciting challenge/learning/growth opportunity.

So a few nights ago I watched "Closer" and it turns out I had seen it before, but I didn't remember the plot well enough so I enjoyed it again.

Basically this movie is about smart sexy people who want to have smart exciting sex with one another. but thier jealousy gets in the way of them appreciating it

I like this movie, I think the acting is good.

but I see the world differently. I think the type of jealousy and possessiveness portrayed in Closer could be fun theatrics for the bedroom, but why drag those heavy emotions around with you in your day to day life?

If these folks had just accepted that they had a really great partner swapping thing going on that was keeping everyone really stimulated and satisfied, maybe checked out some Teal Swan, they could have had an amazing life and lived happily ever after until the next occurrences in the unraveling journeys of thier life paths caused them to need to grow and change. They could have had some really fun potlucks.

I know they wanted kids and all, but people with children manage successful and amicable poly relationships all the time. Maybe they should make more films about cheerful non-monogamous blended families who live happily ever after. Maybe they already make those films. There aren't any video rental stores in Muskoka and I haven't figured out a good way to search the internet for new exciting movies to watch yet...

I heart Huckabees. If you play this one a few times you should really be able to get a sense of "the oneness of the universe" but also "the inevitability of human drama"

If you flip back to your maps of consciousness, you'll note that whatever areas of human drama your character is weak in are going to keep coming up every time the chorus comes around. The only way to resolve them is to explore them, and as you gain more consciousness the exploration will feel like it has more flow. will there be tears? likely. will there be frustration? at times. life is full of contrast that creates rise to new desires.

Something I notice nowadays is that an issue that would have once gotten me stuck for 4 years is now a hiccup that gets me stuck for 4 weeks and I'm sure will eventually be a 4 day scenario and by the end of my life might only grate on my nerves for 4 hours.

I think I'm lucky because I was given a personality that pushed me to explore life, and now I have a high tolerance level, in that, not much really annoys me in any serious way, but I also have a healthy boundary curtain, in that I know how to let in only the brightest light when it's necessary.

I think Polyamory works best when we let go of our own neediness. That isn't to say ignore ones own desires. Just to get more playful with them. There are 7 billion or so people on this planet and a diverse range of experience. To think that we can't get really good at regularly connecting with our favorite types of experiences is extremely silly.

If you go to the page with the levels of consciousness, you'll easily see what types of people are going to have a more fun time engaging in meaningful poly relationships.

Watching Closer reminded me of that Cohen Brothers film... Intolerable Cruelty. I seem to recall that was about endless smart sexy game playing. I think the most important thing to healthy relationships is that when the games are all said and done that people be nice to each-other and re-assure each-other that they will be friends forever. I think this is important whether engaging in some D/s play (because it's important to remind your slave that s/he isn't actually a lower class citizen in real life) or whether simply acknowledging that some component of a relationship will be short term, but the love lives on (like maybe you have an intense fling in some faraway vacation land, and you will probably mostly only be friends on the internet for the rest of your life.)

Why? Because life is too short to waste time not being as awesome as you can be to yourself and everyone you meet.

Doesn't it take the exact same amount of effort to be awesome & understanding as it does to be a cold unfeeling jerk?

I think so.

Say What It Is.

It is our culture's habit to tell the story of what we don't want.

"I don't want my friends blowing cigarette smoke in my personal space"

State what you do want.

"I want a home filled with friends who are stoked to dance around the kitchen with green juice every morning"

Excellent. Now re-write that into a positive, present tensed *goal*:

My friends and I are invigorated daily with loving energy, chlorophyll, singing, dancing & good tunes!!!
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"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."

that's an expression my Dad always said. his Grandad said it to him. other repetitive favorites from my childhood include:

whenever I asked "where are you going?": "overseas in a rowboat."

whenever i asked "whats that?": "it's cat fur to make kittens britches."

the answer you get if you say "where's Mom?" "she went bad so we shot her."
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"what are you writing about today?" asks my friend

"I started it yesterday. It's about the word need"

"what?" he says

"Um. *Need*. What does it mean? What do we really *need*?..."

"What!?!"

"i dunno, I'm not good at talking my thoughts, dude."


Yesterday I got the flu, and had this crazy bruise from slipping on a rock in the forest. I had the can't-get-warmsies and the way-too-hot at the same time. my shoulder really hurt and my stomach hurt and my head was pounding and and girl stuff. I had just read this amazing post about Sparky not complaining, and I like to think of myself as a non-complainer, more or less. I couldn't really see straight to write, so I asked myself, "what is this about? like, feeling as though I've been beaten with a stick. why am I feeling this way? The answer I intuited is "because you are constantly trying to do a million things." so I decided to chill out and spend the day in bed. it was amazing.

Need.

How often do we say we need something and get so fixated and obsessed on that thing. Why?

My thoughts on this topic are actually amalgamated from Steve Pavlina's thoughts & other nifty ideas I've heard over the years.

How To Release Neediness

How To Meet Your Needs Without Being Needy

Exploring Without Neediness

A quote from a recent Perkolator: (It's like the "Coffee News")

"Without morality there can be no leadership. Your ethics (honesty, integrity, loyalty and morals) are the qualities that will attract people to you. No one will follow an immoral person for long before realizing they are on the wrong path. This is where the Law of Attraction comes into play; you will attract to you what you ARE, not what you want"

And finally, something Lou said to me, once upon a time when I was trying to manifest a new tenant:

"I want someone like Sara, only..."

"Don't base a new character you're try to manifest off of an old character you already know. Just invent a brand new character with all of the qualities you're seeking" said Lou.

Imagination was such a difficult concept for me back then.

A decade later I think my imagination has grown back.

"Why invent another Sara? You already have a Sara. You want a million friends all photocopies of Sara? That doesn't even make sense."

I have so much confidence I could create a big house full of happy, healthy dancers in Guelph again, but the same idea in Collingwood seems such a stretch. That almost makes it exciting. but it sometimes makes it seem like a red flag. I don't know what's real. There's a certain element to the "Law of Attraction" that really involves belief, but there is another element that requires the believer to correctly observe reality. Am I observing my reality correctly? Is life or fate beckoning me someway else?

What I really like is how happy I feel about any outcome. I already have everything I need, so wherever we go from here will be chosen because it feels so right.

Chainsaw Safety Training

I was so relieved when we didn't have to operate actual chainsaws yesterday.

In the first 20 minutes of the class I had made up my mind that I would never operate a chainsaw.

They are so dangerous.

I renamed the class
"If a Tree is Felled in the Forest, Does Anyone Incur a Fatal Injury?"

We go around the room and everyone talks about thier chainsaw experience and what they are hoping to learn from the course.

On my turn I explain that I just thought it would be a useful skill to have to help do the firewood jobs but I changed my mind, I don't need to operate a chainsaw, I'm a great waitress and I can accept that. But I'm going to stay and enjoy the class anyway, I'm enjoying the learning.

He says I would be fine with a chainsaw. I say thank-you and politely disagree.

The only de-gloving incident I wish to experience is removing the layer of latex after i finish washing the dishes.

There was so much good learning packed into the 4 hours! Physics, Math, Body Mechanics.

My very favorite thing was that the instructor took so much time to address "Male Pride". He spoke of accepting that now (age 47) he is not as fast or agile and can not do the same things as he could when he was "his age" he gestures at the boy sitting next to me, probably my age.

He also asks the class "what's a better age to teach your son to operate a chainsaw? age 12? or 16-19?"
"Twelve" I say. "Why?" he asks. "Because the 12 year old is calmer."

"the 12 year old will listen to you and actually remember the safety instructions" says the instructor. "17 year old boys think they are invincible, and they are distracted and crazy all the time."

I wonder which small part of me is clearly still trapped at 17 year old boy. Can I find that part? What will I do with it when I isolate it? Wrestle it to the ground and make it promise never to interrupt my life again? There must be a better way to find peace with this self.

The Instructor (whose name is Dale, which is perfect for me to remember because his speech and mannerisms mirror very much my Uncle Dale's) talks about Women being able to look at a situation and assess it for hazards and dangers that Men don't necessarily notice.

I think about all the women, and how we've isolated ourselves away from each-other, trying to do the dangerous work of raising a family all alone, creating so many unforeseen hazards for ourselves. I've been pondering this for 6 years. 6 years today my first daughter was born. I thought I would just "live tribally" It didn't really exist yet. I have had to create it, but first learn.... or unlearn..... hmmm. such a huge undertaking....

You don't want to be some dude all alone in the bush with a chainsaw. 3 people, he recommends. One to compress a bandage onto your gaping flesh wound and another to go to the road where hopefully there is cell service and wait for the ambulance to arrive.

gah. yes. 3 mothers in a home is a good number.

"so what would you do in this situation... stasia...?" Dale asks

"ummmm..." I look at the whiteboard which is a diagram of lines and dots and arrows.

"Sir, to be honest, I've been having a daydream and I have no idea what the lesson is, because I wasn't paying attention, and this is why I shall not operate a chainsaw."

One last excerpt from the day.

"When is it time to take a break?" asks Dale. "After a tank of fuel." he suggests. He's engaged the group in discussion about the vibrational consequences of having the destruction machine in your hands for hours. Not operating equipment while taking various medications, In intense emotional states. or with classical or trance music playing in your headphones. Ah. Yes. Accelerated Learning Techniques Week.

I keep finding new tidbits of information to apply to the What Went Wrong During Accelerated Learning Techniques Week conundrum.

I speak candidly with Chainsaw Safety Instructor Dale about this. Dale is very supportive, as are so many folks when I request thier opinions on this matter. People keep telling me how common it is for the mind to run off, or whatever words they chose to use.

This is comforting.

After the class commences I go for a skateboard down the smooth pavement of town. I forgot my wallet and my cellphone at home so I can't do anything productive.

It feels amazing to be free. There is woodsmoke in the air and crispy oak leaves decoratively lining the glittering sidewalk. I fly under the covered bridge. "This is a good one" I think. "I'm keeping this moment" ♥ 
I stitch it together with Erin Heights, the subdivision we used to go to trick-or-treat in as kids, because of the housing density to disposable income ratio. It's the mathematical formula to maximize candy returns. My cousins and I applied it a few nights ago when we went out with our own kids. Now all these memories are quilted together with the people I love. Sarah and Ally and I giggle about costume malfunctions. they are laughing about the eye-patch that's making them hallucinate patterns. "oh you know what I sometimes like to do?! HA! sometimes I push my fingers against my eyes like this!" (I demonstrate) "oh yeah, and watch all the swirling light and dark spots that happen?" chuckles Ally. "yeah I know exactly what you're talking about"

Later I take Clementine chaga hunting with me, because she wants to know.

"what about those dead branches hung up there in the trees. that doesn't seem safe"

"Oh yeah. they can kill ya. come right down and just, BAM. impale you dead on the spot. I learned about that today at Chainsaw Safety. Who knew the forest was so dangerous???"

she shakes her head at me.

"Oh! know what else I learned??? Trees. They spin while they grow!"

"They spin...?"

"Yah! they twirl around and around following the suns light! Isn't that the neatest thing? I can't believe I never knew that!!!"

"Is that why when you cut 'em open it looks like rings?" asks Clementine

"That. is exactly what I was just thinking."

Something Amazing

A little later as she was leaving Petras said one last thing. "the heart and the mind rarely lie at the same time, Isabelle."
She stopped in the doorway and waited for him to continue but he didn't.  "I don't understand that."
"Whatever you do now, listen to yourself carefully before acting, Try to recognize which part of you is telling the truth and which part is lying because it's safe or easier."
"Know thyself?" she asked with a smile.
"Know thyselvessss" he answered, elongating the last syllable so that he sounded like a buzzing bee.

                                                                                                 -Glass Soup, by Johnathan Caroll
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The book quote above was also stashed in my facebook notes.
I titled it "If Salvador Dali Wrote a Book it Would Taste Like This."

Reading back through my old writing would have been illuminating enough, but sharing that process with others... was such an enhanced version of that. The way I describe the sharing thing now is very much to do with the map of consciousness. I like having an idea and then sending it out and getting the feedback so much faster.

I like turning off facebook. I notice we get so habitual in the way we think about things. Our "frameworks". I love forcing myself into new frameworks. I even love the discomfort now, because I know that feeling it and exploring that feeling is what gives rise to change.

There is something about change that contains sadness. a leaving behind-ness.

like when you go back to your hometown it's all the same.

Grey Overalls Man sitting on the bench outside the videostore talking to the Biker. and they are smoking. and they had this conversation yesterday, and they had it the day before yesterday too.

and there is comfort in the sameness but there is also sadness. You stop for a few minutes to chat with them and contribute the same words to the conversation that you said the last time you joined it, the day you moved out of that town. You don't linger long because it's annoying to have cigarette smoke creeping up into your nostrils and closing in around your throat.

Smoking. I'm ready to write it. alright. the album: Florence and the Machine, Lungs.

this Florence chick has so much raw talent. "Happiness hit her like a train on a track" YES! "Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back" even more yes.

I grabbed this album right before I moved out of Guelph. It was playing in the music store and I said "what is this it sounds like arcade fire."

I remember it being the soundtrack in my car when I lived in Erin for the last time.

"No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love, No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong one"

Those are the kind of lyrics that ensure a person learns how to grow up into a 30 year old Mom/Real Woman.

Lungs. Specifically track 8- Between Two Lungs. So much passion and intensity in that song.

It became my Quit Smoking Anthem of Self Respect (because I hypothesized that all smokers secretly hate themselves. I was aware that somehow smoking was an expression of me hating something about myself.)

I had quit easily when I found out I was pregnant with Z.

Like a moron I thought I'd "try it again just for fun" after she was a few months old.

That was dumb.

So Thornbury 2012. Florence's Lungs and Dave Mathews Away From the World are my soundtracks nearly every day headed down 26 to Collingwood to work at The Iron Skillet. the self empowerment soundtracks. Oh and I mixed them right in with Tony Robbins Unleash The Power Within, which I still have out from the Blue Mountain Public Library. I will make you a copy. Its like Square One to Anything You Want.

I determined to quit smoking, so I did. It was my final time, and maybe you've seen me take a drag of one here or there since then, because I refuse to live by Absolutes. That is actually one of my personal keys to my success. No Absolutes.

I think Gretchen Rubin says that only works for some personality types. I will write the condensed guide to Gretchen Rubin another day.

So now when I am around smoking I think "whhhhhhhy? why this self torture???"

I read once that if you woke up in the body of someone who smoked for 10 years that you would think something is seriously wrong with you and you would immediately take yourself to the hospital. this I believe because I remember how craptactular I felt at age 22 after 8 years of cigarette addiction and long shifts on my feet all day on concrete hunched over sinks and workstations. I had such permanent back pain.

I thought Geez if this is 22 how am I going to feel when I am 44????

It's funny to look back on that girl from "now" because I am not very much like her. I am calmer, less impulsive (really. both of those things.)

and I am healthy. that girl was not healthy. but she must have wanted to be real badly because I am created from her.

my resolve and mental clarity the last 5 years have made it so if I over indulge I get so dizzy and sick so fast that it's so terribly un-fun. and I like it that way. I like my life SO MUCH!

This is the attitude I have to keep tapping into when I am loosing belief in myself and think I should not bother trying to create new things for fear of failure.

I'm so scared of leaving people behind. I don't want to put up a NO SMOKING sign and shut out people who mean so much to me. but I also don't want smoke choking me out.

I also know that "we can not solve problems with the same mindset that created them" and that smoking is a really great example of a problem mindset. I say this because I have lived on both sides and they are like night and day. I was so helpless as a smoker.

I'm not resonating "helplessness" because it is a terrible business strategy.

How to create a channel to still allow my smoker friends to receive my Love without allowing their Fears to project onto me & destroy my resolve to build amazing things for all to enjoy?

I'm not finished with this topic but the sun is up and It's time to be a Duck Farmer.
I wanted to write Something Amazing today because i am nauseated when I have to read my writing and it sounds like teenager diaries. blech.

Subjective Reality, Ho'oponopono and You; The Ubermensch

I remember writing 'this', but I had forgotten these words. I guess it means more to me today than it did a few years ago. -November 1st 2016.

_________________________________________________________________________

My First Toastmaster Speech, from May 7 2013.
entitled "Subjective Reality, Ho'oponopono and You; The Ubermensch"
Delivered to the Bracebridge Toastmasters Club

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disclaimer to the reader:
    first of all, I would not have actively chosen Ho'oponopono as a topic for my first speech (not counting my grade 3 speech "a day in the life of a mouse" or my grade 6 speech "excuses") But I am glad I was forced out of my comfort zone.
    secondly, I'd really like to re-work this someday so that it is more concise, has better flow, and doesn't immerse the listener into "intense subjects one after another" (delivered in my nervous speaking voice that makes me suddenly aware of my gasping for a breath...) I would definitely like to be more relate-able.(but right now I'm sick of it and the whole thing sounds like jibberish to me, like when you say the word tickle over and over and over again until it looses all meaning.)
    and thirdly, this is written in stasia speech style so the grammar is a bit off to aid my ability to read while making eye contact.

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Ladies And Gentlemen, Fellow Toastmasters and Honoured Guests,

This evening I'd like you to ponder with me: What is Forgiveness?

How does one pardon the inconsiderate? the Tragic? the Evil?

What happens when you let go and move on?

I have always been a philosophical person.

I have an endless curiosity, which pushes me to want to understand things to the fullest.

As one observes a variety of inter disciplinary pursuits, One notices that, be they Quantum Physicists or Taoist Monks, Microbiologists or Motivational Speakers, Athletes or Gospel Choirs, All seem to be learning and teaching the same set of principles as interconnected metaphors.

I am enamored with Nietzsche's Ubermensch Theory, wherein he explains that we, as a collective, conscious species, must use our knowledge of the dynamics of our thoughts and our world to become our“greater-superhuman-new-and-always-improving” versions-of-self. We must strive to transmit the ideas which Best serve the greatest good of the Universe.

For several years now I have been reading a blog by Steve Pavlina, dedicated to “personal development for smart people” and “the courage to live consciously”

About a month ago I came across a series Mr. Pavlina dedicated to inspiration and Subjective Reality.

You may be familiar with this concept as “the matrix” or

“how do I know this world is real and I'm not merely the dreamer in a dream?”

A friend of mine used to say that “everyone you meet is a reflection of you”

The things you like. and dislike, about yourself, are the things you see in them.”

A very humbling paradigm.

Or, similarly, to go about your life pretending everyone is enlightened except for you.

A lesson or a test is contained in every interaction...

Depak Chopra states “the existence of a physical universe outside of consciousness cannot be proved.

It is a metaphysical assumption”

A recent bout of experimentation with Christianity invoked some questions into my mind:

What exactly does “forgiveness” entail?

Do I have to tell that person I've pardoned them?

Does it mean I have to invite them back into my life to continue taking more of their abuse?

Sit around turning my cheeks back and forth all day and never go live out my dreams???

I really like how Steve explained this paradigm in that light.

He says:

“Under the subjective reality model, the most obvious interpretation of “Love your neighbor as yourself” is that Jesus is telling us to recognize that all of us egoic human beings are projections of awareness, and your true identity is that awareness. Furthermore, unconditional love for everything is one way to regain that awareness.  Unconditional love is essentially unconditional contentedness.  So Jesus is suggesting a shift in your mindset rather than your behavior, which is a whole different sort of challenge.  In fact, if you follow Jesus’ teaching from a subjective perspective, you’ll automatically follow it from an objective perspective as well, but in a way that’s much easier than if you tried to tackle the objective approach head on.  Behavior changes are relatively easy once you’ve already made the mindset shift that gives rise to them. Jesus is asking you to notice something very subtle here, not to struggle against your default behavior.”

                                    _______________________________

There is a story gaining fame, about a Therapist. Dr. Len, healed an entire ward for the Criminally Insane at Hawaii State hospital, all by practicing Ho'oponopono. He would sit in his office and study the patients charts. He would look within himself to see how he had created that murderer, or that rapist, and repeat the phrase “I'm Sorry, Please Forgive me, Thank you, and I Love You.”

Dr. Len explains his process is simply Clearing the Data that plays out in the theater of the mind; Making Amends with the Divine though the aforementioned mantra. Paying off the mortgage on the soul. Erasing dead memory to provide a space for new life and inspiration to flourish.

Taking full responsibility for one’s entire life experience.

Dr.Len Healed that entire hospital ward of dangerous mentally insane criminals in two years. After 4 years they closed that ward . A Book has been written “Zero Limits” about this notion of 100%responsibility and Ho'oponopo.

(You can watch a bit about it on You Tube. It is really brilliant to ponder.)

Ho'oponopo translates as “to put to moral rights”

In many cultures, it is believed that illness is caused by guilt, anger, and wrongful misconduct.

It has been suggested by the Vanuatu people that

"If you are angry for two or three days, sickness will come”

They Believe that secrecy gives power to illness. Confession is the remedy.

When mistakes are confessed, they no longer hold power over people.

(Wow. Think of the emotions we hold onto in our culture! For a lot longer than two or three days...)

A standard Ho'oponopo session is led by an elder. It begins with a prayer. The conflict is discussed. The feelings of all involved are acknowledged. Participants are encouraged to co-operatively work though their issues, take sciences for reflection, release, and let go.

I decided a few weeks ago to do some subjective reality experimenting of my own. As I wrote this speech, the theme of forgiveness constantly appeared in every facet of my life.

I have been focusing a huge amount of energy on amending some heavy negative feelings that I've harbored against family & friends.Something I've found interesting is how I end up reflecting on my own mis-behaviors toward another when I decided to forgive one for theirs upon me and vice versa. Interconnectedness.

In writing this speech, an interesting thing happened. I have begun to deeply live these ideals.

It was transformation.

People I'd had failings out with in the past. weeks, months, and even years ago would message or call me up out of the blue. Some would tell me great news of their joy as their dreams were coming true. Others simply offered a salutation and a proper farewell.

I found that a large part of forgiveness is forgiving myself.

Forgive my frustration over time I've wasted holding resentments against others.

Forgive myself of guilt for needing to walk away from a relationship that causes me pain

Forgive myself for feeling small when people tell me that my true self is wrong or shameful.

I think when you forgive someone, it is silent. An interior dialogue between you and the divine.

Forgiveness is a lightness in your heart and a little breeze stirring your stagnant mind.

You've made peace with yourself, with that part of the universe that let that annoying or awful thing happen. You overcome it, and move forward with the confidence that You can again be open and vulnerable to new and greater experiences of life.

“It returns. What finally comes home to me is my own Self and what of myself has long been in strange lands and scattered among all things and accidents.” Accounts Nietzsche,in Thus Spoke Zarathustra.

                                       We are all one Consciousness,

                     the whole of which is only as great as the sum of it's parts.

                          As Ubermensch, we will ascend upon our embrace

                       of complete responsibility for our experience as this self.

Thankyou.

Minimalism Day 28

Day 28: Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering? May 13th 2011

Q:

1. will walking barefoot everywhere massage all of the reflexology points in feet,  increasing my health quotient & developing me into a more enlightened being?

2. are these these fiddle-heads I picked in the forest the edible variety or will I die if I eat them?

3. why have I kept this piece of blue carpet leftover from when I lived at the Tack Shop Below in Hillsburgh 

4. whose stale hot cross buns are these? I wonder if they taste good with peanut butter....

A:

1. Google returned 113,000 results on the subject just now.  more importantly, my body and soul feel incredible after walking through the woods with no shoes or socks.

2. Not only were they the most delicious green I have ever eaten, I am still very much alive.

3. I think because My Dad told me to save it to put on the ground while I change my motor oil. I have not used it once in the entire 5 years I've had it kicking around because changing my oil takes like 10 minutes tops, maybe 2 minutes of which I am laying on the ground for. It would take me more time to hunt for the blue carpet scrap. and besides. I'm walking barefoot on city sidewalks. How much should I really care that I'm touching the driveway when I crawl under my car?

4. turns out I ate all of Brandon's hot cross buns. Fantastic with peanut butter.

The Unanswered Question that still boggles my mind since I first heard the song in Grade 2:

If one hot cross bun costs 1 penny, and two hot cross buns also cost 1 penny, WHO is buying only 1 hot cross bun???? and WHY are they actively choosing to get less of a bargain???