Dec 16, 2016

Why Don't We Hang Upside Down Anymore?

So If you hadn't heard yet, I'm obsessed with Ido Portal. 

I love how his work is so bang-on accurate regarding how our culture has lost functional movement. (along with nutrition... sleep... & our dignity, among other things.)

When a friend first shared Ido's video with me, my initial reaction was: oh that's so super cool but I could never do that. But then I remembered that RockStar Lousie Hay would chastise me for "wasting my precious thoughts":
                             
                                  Thanks Louise! I almost forgot! OK, I'm gonna go grab life by the bazookas now.

So I decided, Awesome. I'm going to become the Female Version of Tony Robbins!!!!

and I'm going to Move Like Ido. What I really love about Ido's philosophy is that it isn't about having a hot sculpted body. (although tough to deny that's a pretty sweet side effect.) It's about retaining your body's ability to do what it was designed to do.

In grade 6 I started having massive unbelievable back pain. I asked my doctor why and she said "It's because you're tall. You have a long back & it will hurt forever. There is nothing you can do."

Nope. Wrong. I didn't figure it out until after I had my first baby. The back pain was caused by sitting in a chair all day at school. And then standing for endless hours on concrete floors at restaurant jobs hunched over workstations that were too low for my tall self.

(Remember how I wrote about design magazine fantasies yesterday? That's one. Someday I'm going to have the sexiest kitchen with ergonomic counter tops built for tall people. )

Anyhow while I was pregnant in 2010 got obsessed with being the most healthy-active version of myself because I wanted to provide my baby with ultimate nutrition, and I wanted to have a great birth. I heard that you need really strong stomach muscles and pelvic floor muscles to push a baby out. I went on 3 hour hikes with my dog every day. There are so many awesome trails in Guelph with diverse terrain and breathtaking views. Another of my favourite exercises was to grapevine while hopping and twirling along the railroad track. The purpose of that is to keep snowboarding bio-mechanics tuned during the off season. Make sure to do lots of behind the head reaches, to work your chairlift safety bar lifting muscles.

That's the condensed version of the physical aspect of my first awesome natural home-birth (the mental-spiritual dimension is textbook in length.)

After my baby was born, she was in the snugli pack all the time and we danced our pants off every day while cooking delicious food and hustling the domestic duties and and walking the dogs and having a fun & friendly time with our wonderful neighbourhood full of special people. If there was ever a more appropriate moment to promote how magical Guelph is, I don't know when it would be.

My back never hurt anymore. My body felt great because it was doing what it was supposed to be doing. I was high on oxytocin. The whole experience of asking all these bizarre questions about human nature for 9 months and researching until I discovered reality-shattering truths was powerful and transformative beyond anything I would ever have expected the Motherhood experience to evoke.

...Back to our present timeline. I joined the Gym after my dog died because I had already decided I Am a Dancer (and not just, like, a dork, rocking out in my underwear with a tennis-racket-air-guitar, but, like, actual Patrick Swayze style, Louise Hay says I can become anything I want and I'm only 30 so I've got gobs of time left and I shall become with all my little boxes, just watch me.)

I poured my dog food budget into my YMCA budget and went out to Zumba. A YMCA membership had been on my goals list for 5 years. ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?????  get some chalkboard paint and cork-boards and go to town filling up your visual space with inspiration. Grab some sharpie markers and write what you desire all over the walls of your house! Set up a twitter account and start following the people who inspire you! YOU ARE GOING TO BE AMAZED IN 5 YEARS BECAUSE GUESS WHAT, ROCK STAR??? YOU ARE GOING TO START SEEING ALL YOUR DREAMS COMING TRUE!!!!

Remember 5 years ago when everyone kept urging me to me to write??? so I started this blog even though I had total writers block? Well Now I'm actually writing it, and the only thing holding me back now is back pain from sitting all day. so It's time to bust out the treadmill desk (what!? what!? ANOTHER 5 YEAR GOAL COMING TRUE IN SPARKLING MAGICAL GLORY???!?!?!?!? yes, yes! it's true)


but seriously. sitting & writing all day is screwing up my body so badly. I ache all over and it's only been a few weeks. So I'm going to set up a standing/exercycle desk tonight. (I don't own a treadmill) I had a design hack idea last night and I'm pretty excited to experiment with it.

I garnered some interesting insights about the fitness industry from my stint with a gym membership. I'm going to save those for another post.

Right now I'm on this kick of why we don't hang upside down anymore. Why did we stop hanging upside down? I guess other people have noticed the deleterious physiological effects that occurred when we gave up tree climbing, and pavement started wrecking our bodies. You know I'm gonna hook you up with a song about de-evolution:

                                     

Dave Mathews. Is there anything that guy hasn't got figured out???

I guess other people have noticed this and they are selling inversion tables.

But Oh: I'm Stasia Bryant and as if I'm going to be content to just do what everyone else is doing. I'm going to steal my ex's geodesic dome struts (because under Article 1, Subsection 4, Clause 13, if you have a kid with me and then ditch your responsibilities I now reserve the right to utilize your intellectual property for storytelling and/or profit, and I may thieve your clothing or tools or whatever else you've left laying around in your parents garage when I'm drinking beers with Jay and Johnathon)

So Yes. I shall assemble some indoor monkey-bars (galvanized electrical conduit) and work to reverse the vacuous effects of modern living.

The Geodesic Dome Solution: Yet another fine example of Dymaxion Living for the 21st century.

                                          

Hang Upside Down!! It's the next big trend. Read all about it in a Pirate's Magazine!